Wow.
It is now just under 1 week until I am finished with my Indy season...
ha, remember when I was so worried I couldn't do it, so concerned that I would fail.
And now, here I stand, on the other side; so many relationships began and built and enjoyed, so many life lessons struggled with and learned, so much knowledge gained and explored.
Sheesh, the Sustainer is Good. And ever-so-Faithful.
I was extremely lazy for a week.
I mean, you seriously would not have recognized me the way I was sleeping and reading and lounging and napping..."Who is this girl?! I thought Lydia was usually going a million miles a minute, always into at least 4 different things at once."
Well, I guess my self just knew to take a break before my CRAZY last 2 weeks.
I've had friends visiting from Bolivar, home-visits to foster kids with reports to write, court hearings to attend, a community to enroll a garden in, a wedding to help with, office projects to finish...
and that all doesn't even include the people-loving-on part I so want to finish strong.
If you are a fellow extrovert, then you understand how the most telling time of the season I've had came to me in relaying the experiences to people....I realized that, for the first time in a long time, I spent serious time being chill, restful, and calm.
I realized that I AM OKAY. I don't have to always be high or low or doing and learning and going and going and being everywhere for everyone....in fact, people don't really even want that.
In this broken,disarrayed world, each of our weary souls crave peace. A consistent, constant, deep, life-giving Peace.
And I so often forget the One who is the giver of said peace. I get caught up in serving, acting, singing, planting, writing, reporting, learning, and I forget to "cease striving, be still, and know Him."
In thinking over my time here as whole, I came to understand that I have enjoyed deep moments of deep Peace in the past seven weeks: sitting in the middle of the 'Hood with a kitten on my lap, enjoying the green of the garden; taking an evening bike ride in the middle of Suburbia, enjoying the stillness of being within my own thoughts; taking long, uninterrupted reading breaks; being hugged by a 9-year old boy struggling through foster care, when he realized I was there to specifically love on him; getting helplessly tickled with dear friends who took the time and resources to come visit me; realizing a level of comfort in conversing with co-workers I used to not know and now consider friends; returning home for the weekend and knowing it was good...both having been away and now returning.
Those moments that are wrapped in a million questions, some deeper than internal words can even construct...What is best to do here? How do I love on this person to communicate to them their value to their Creator? Who was and is oppressed by this purchase? How do I start these conversations? What do I say to simultaneously challenge and comfort? What am I going to do in life? Is this flower going to grow? Is this garden going to survive? How much of this resource have I used today? Did I choose self over fellow? Why did I think I needed to protect myself? Why did I forget that I am Provided for? Did I waste time? What did I learn from that? What should I be learning?
And the list could go on, becoming ever-more abstract and ever-more cumbersome.
I love asking questions. I love seeking answers.
Those are beautiful things and very important.
I also love to claim the Freedom of being okay to not know everything,
to embrace the wonderful paradox of resting exactly where I am while being constantly driven forward.
So, dear soul.
Take a blessed breath.
Drop your shoulders, untense your muscles.
Breath in Peace, trust in Grace, and let everything move about for a bit without you.
Let the questions settle and spend a quiet moment remembering that you are loved, you are fought for, you are important.
Then let those Truths spur you on to delving, exploring, advancing, stretching, flourishing, giving.
Let those Truths overflow out of your precious heart to remind other dear souls that there is Peace in the midst of Chaos.
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